


The Beautiful Ones

by carameldumpling



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Abuse, Adultery, Arranged Marriage, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Insanity, Sexual Content, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-04-24
Updated: 2011-04-24
Packaged: 2017-10-18 15:07:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/190154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carameldumpling/pseuds/carameldumpling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone knows the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to LJ. Loosely based on Devdas.

Everyone knows the story. It's practically an urban legend in the Upper East Side and Brooklyn. It's the story that they use in Sunday school to teach young teenagers about the seven deadly sins. It's the story that keep mothers awake the night before their children's wedding. It's the story that children threaten their parents with if they disapprove of their significant other.

It's the story about two families ruined - the Archibalds were once the richest family on the Upper East Side, while the van der Woodsens were the most ambitious. 

Today Erik van der Woodsen, the head his family, sits in his study most of the time, working under the large photograph of his sister, the infamous beauty that is still talked about long after she's gone. The family portrait that once hung there is in the attic, covered in cobwebs. His daughter looks just like her aunt - enough for Erik to look twice when Celia walks into the room with a mug of hot chocolate. It's been her and her father for years; Magdalene left when Celia turned five, she couldn't take the weight that came with the family name. 

Today the Archibalds no longer exist. Rose Archibald died two years ago with no heir, and a new family of five lives in the huge estate that was once known was the Archibalds' for over seventy years. Everyday the fifteen-year-old girl living in the room at the end of the hallway closes her eyes tightly and repeats every single prayer she can think of until she falls asleep. The stories her seniors tell her about the room's former occupant are scary. 

Today the Baizen house is the source of most ghost stories told during school camps. Long abandoned, owner after owner have moved out with no real reason. Some people say it's because the ghosts of Serena van der Woodsen and Nate Archibald haunt the house. Seniors frighten freshmen with tales of sightings - a maid spotted a beautiful blonde woman in the master bedroom; a boy walking past one evening swore he saw a man lying on the porch, hand outstretched; a group of NYU students decided to stay in the house for fun, only to be scared shitless when they see a terrified woman practically flying down the steps, white dress billowing behind her as she screams the name of the man she loves. 

Today Blair and Chuck Bass visit the city graveyard every Sunday morning, bringing sunflowers to a dreary place and cleaning the graves of the two people they cared for the most before sitting down and having a chat, updating tombstones about their lives. They're the ones who know the real story. Parents edit out the gory bits, teachers add in a little bit of morals; heck, some churches completely omit the sex. But Blair and Chuck know the real story, and the truth might be even more terrifying than the latest version St. Jude's seniors are scaring their freshmen with. 

It's the story of the beautiful ones.


	2. Chapter 2

_The story always begins with this line: The day Nate Archibald came back from sailing everywhere around the world, it was sweltering hot. Or fucking hot, depending on who is telling you the story.  
_  
: : :

It’s the Tuesday Rose Archibald has been looking forward to for almost four years. For the oddest reasons, Nate had chosen to sail with his father’s friend after getting into Brown. It didn’t make much sense – Nate had despised all of their college choices, insisting that he didn’t want to go to Dartmouth or Princeton or Harvard. He had fought tooth and nail to have his say and when Robert finally gave up on his son going to his alma mater, Nate backed out. 

Rose doesn’t say anything, but she thinks that all things point to Serena van der Woodsen. After all, Serena’s the one that gets Nate into trouble most of the time. Even as children, it would be the two of them rolling around in mud puddles, climbing trees and breaking expensive vases. When that van der Woodsen girl went to Brown, Rose put two and two together, and it’s very clear that her boy decided to give up on college because of her. 

She should be ashamed of herself.

But four years made the ache lessen, and Rose is ready to welcome her son home with open arms. His last letter was so wonderful, gushing about how he enjoyed playing with the children in Brazil. It seems that Nate has grown up to become a real man. Even Robert had cracked a smile when he saw the photos their son had sent. Tan and smiling, nothing like that confusing teenager he was. 

The problem is, Nate’s not back yet. Rose dabs beads of perspiration off her face. He’s supposed to land at 10 in the morning, and it’s 2 in the afternoon already. 

: : :

Serena van der Woodsen gasps, writhing against the wall as Nate thrusts again, hard and furious. Stubble grazes her jaw, and she bites her lip, trying to hold back a moan.

“Missed me, baby?” Nate whispers, gravel rough, as he pulls out and slams into her again. 

Fuck  _yes_  Serena has missed him. Three years receiving letters and phone calls isn’t enough. It’s never enough. She’s missed this, this intoxicating rush when Nate grabs her and fucks her however he feels like it.

Nate stops moving, and Serena looks at him, pupils blown. She squirms on his cock, clenching. “Why’d you stop?” She pants, needy. 

Nate smiles and starts a trail of kisses down her neck. “You didn’t answer me.”

She shoves her hips and his cock twitches inside her. Yes, she’s missed this. “That answer your question?”

Nate’s reply is a swift thrust and a growl that makes the heat in her belly stronger. She arches, fingernails scratching his back. “Fuck, Nate!”

“As beautiful as I remembered you, Serena,” Nate pants, holding her thigh higher so that he can get deeper in her. She groans, tucking her face next to his neck. “Make those pretty noises for me, baby.”

Serena shakes her head, gasping continuously as he pounds into her. Fuck, so full. “We’re – oh god – we’re in public.”

She had been lying in the backyard, with nothing but an oversized t-shirt, trying to breathe through the ridiculous heat, eyes closed. The air conditioning had broken down as usual, and she was contemplating drenching herself with water when she had felt something move up her bare thigh. It turned out to be his hand.

“It’s like you’ve been waiting for me,” he had whispered as her thighs parted willingly and his hand crept further up.

Now he’s only in his wife beater and her t-shirt is drenched in sweat and come. And they’re having public sex. 

“Mmm, never stopped you before,” Nate whispers and Serena blushes furiously. 

His hand comes between them to rub her clit just the way she likes it, and she whines in distress. “Nate, you know-”

Nate kisses her complaints away, until she’s bucking against his hand, her own ones in his hair. “Want you to lose it here, baby,” he says. “Right here, where your neighbour can just open door to check why you’re screaming. Let her see how beautiful you are when you lose control.”

Serena tries hard to keep quiet, but she screams anyway as she comes. Thank god the neighbour’s away on vacation.

: : :

“I missed you so much,” she says softly as she draws patterns on his chest. They’re cuddled together on the mat, she still decked in that t-shirt while he’s in nothing but boxers. The heat burns into Nate’s skin. He doesn’t remember it being so hot even in South Africa. Serena’s shirt sticks to his abs, and he thinks he hears the buzz of bees somewhere nearby.

“I missed you too, baby,” he admits as he runs his hand through her blonde hair. It’s still as soft and silky as he remembers. “I don’t ever want to be away from you again.”

Serena looks up into his green eyes and smiles. “What do you have in mind?”

Nate takes her hand and kisses it. She giggles as his stubble grazes her fingers. “Marry me.”

“What?”

“Marry me,” Nate repeats again, although a little more nervously this time. Serena looks like she’s just eaten a puffer fish that didn’t have the poisonous parts removed. “That way we’ll be together always.” 

She blinks a couple of times before smiling, and just like that Nate’s day is fantastic. “Yes. Oh god, Nate, yes!”

: : :

“No.”

“What?” 

Rose Archibald shakes her head. “No, Nathaniel, you can’t marry Serena. You will not marry her.”

Her son looks shocked. Rose feels as shocked as he does, but she’s doing a better job keeping her feelings hidden. As if she’d let him marry that girl, that girl who runs around in tiny dresses, leaving so little to the imagination. And the fact that he’d went running to her before coming back to his house reeking of sex – it just strengthened Rose’s opinion of Serena van der Woodsen. 

“Okay,” Nate says slowly, as if trying to process the rejection. “Is there a reason why you’re not okay with me marrying Serena?”

Everything, Rose feels like shouting at her son. Everything about that girl is not ‘okay’. But she is a woman who knows how to conduct herself, so she speaks in a calm voice. “For one, she’s going to be a disgrace to the family.”

“Mother,” Nate frowns, hands gripping the arms of the high-backed wooden chair. He’s clearly not pleased, but Rose has to get her message through. 

“She’s been running around flirting and going out with other men for the past three years, Nate. It’s not as if she’s been pining and waiting for you.”

Nate sighs. “I don’t expect her to sit around and do nothing for three years when I’m gone, Mom. But I’m back now, and she loves me, and I love her.”

It’s too hot for this conversation. Rose would usually have a cup of tea with her, but in this weather, it would be insane to drink anything warmer than iced water. “Look, Nate, I didn’t exactly love your father when we got married, but it worked out alright. We had you, and you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Nate blinks. “But now I have someone I  _love_ , Mom. Someone who accepts me for who I am, someone who loves me back… someone who makes me happy. Isn’t that enough for you?”

Rose exhales. “Her family isn’t wealthy enough.”

“Is this what it’s about?” Nate asks, incredulous. “Her family’s wealth?”

“We’re Archibalds, Nate. We always have to consider-”

“You weren’t exactly the richest person on the block, Mom,” Nate interrupts, frustrated. “And the van der Woodsens are rich enough, they live in the Upper East Side for fuck’s sake.”

“Language,” Rose chides on instinct, and Nate rolls his eyes and huffs. This is what she hates. How her gentlemanly son becomes some punk when it involves Serena van der Woodsen. “My family had a stake in the land, it made sense. And the van der Woodsens – what are they, really? The mother gets her wealth from marrying men, Nate! What makes you think the daughter is any different?”

Nate stands up, eyes narrowed. “You won’t talk about Serena like that.”

“See? She’s splitting us up already.”

Nate throws his hands in the air. “It’s you, Mom! You and your need for money and wealth! Don’t you see that Serena isn’t anything like her mother? She loves me. She  _loves_  me for who I am, not for my money. I could be some miser and she’d still love me.”

“Nathaniel Archibald, you will sit down and discuss this like a civil person.” Rose orders, but Nate makes a sound of disgust.

“You’d never understand. Because you’ve never been in love. All your life you just want money and status.” Nate spits out as he walks toward the door. “And honestly, I’m sad that you never got the chance to feel what love is like.”

Rose closes her eyes as she listens to her son’s footsteps getting further and further. That’s where he’s wrong. She was in love once, with an engineer. Stupidly in love, almost ruining her chances of being part of the Archibald family.

Love doesn’t bring food to the table, money does.

: : :

Robert Archibald agrees with his wife. Nate shouts at him, calls him the worst coward he’s ever met. “You know what she’s like, Dad,” he pleads. “You know she’s amazing.”

Robert looks away. “She’ll probably use your credit card up in a month or two.”

“That Waldorf girl,” Rose chimes in. “She’s your friend, isn’t she? The Waldorfs are old money.”

Nate swears at the both of them and storms out of the house, despite Rose’s insistence he come back to apologize.

: : :

It’s raining, the day when Nate knocks on the van der Woodsen’s door and tells Serena that they won’t be married. 

“Nate, talk to me,” Serena pleads. The wedding book she’d brought down is now on the side table, ignored, page turned to the wedding gown of her dreams. She’d wanted to show him. “I know something went wrong.”

Nate shrugs away her hand. “Nothing’s wrong. I just realised that it’s not love between us, Serena.”

Serena’s blue eyes widen and become watery, and Nate’s heart is breaking but he doesn’t say a single thing. “What do you mean,” her voice cracks and she swallows, trying to compose herself. He wants to hold her in his arms, tell her that it’s okay, they’re all right, but he can’t. “What do you mean it’s not love?”

“I was away for three years, Serena,” he says dully, repeating what his mother had said. “This isn’t love, it’s just some friends with benefits thing that we’ve got to end. We’re no longer teenagers, we’re adults now.”

Serena’s crying now, tears rolling down her beautiful face. Nate aches inside, he never wanted to see her cry, and he feels like the world’s worst scum right now. She’s crying because of him. “That’s not true,” she chokes, grabbing his arm. “I love you. You know I love you. And I know you love me too. So tell me what’s wrong!”

“Nothing’s wrong!” Nate wrenches his arm away, trying hard not to break down and Serena’s look of hurt. “We’re just not meant to be, Serena. I’m sorry I kept your hopes up. We’re done.”

He turns to walk away, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat. Serena’s sobs of anguish makes him curl his hands into fists. 

“How could you do this to me?” She shouts at him, loud enough for it to echo in the empty foyer. It sounds a lot like devastation and heartbreak. 

He tries to school his face into something more neutral, but he doubts he succeeds when he turns back to look at her. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, before leaving.

: : :

Word gets around fast in the Upper East Side. Rose Archibald attends parties, telling friends and acquaintances about how that van der Woodsen girl wanted to marry her son. 

“They’re not rich enough,” she says, and everyone else exchanges glances before nodding politely. 

Within a week, tales about how Serena van der Woodsen and Nate Archibald couldn’t marry because of the wealth gap is all over town. Only that there are a few version of it – Serena wanted to marry for money; the van der Woodsens are dirt poor and the Archibalds don’t want to take chances; Nate made the decision himself. 

Blair is invited to the Archibald house, and she accepts the invitation just to tell Mrs. Archibald exactly what she thinks of her. 

Chuck punches Nate when they meet up, and orders him to fix up the mess his family has created. Until then, they’re not talking to each other. 

Serena spends her days curled up in bed, crying her eyes out. 

The wedding book she bought ends up in the trash.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s such a slap to Rose Archibald’s face that she doesn’t attend parties for the following month.

Two weeks after watching Serena lie on her bed, showing lesser signs of life as the days went by, Lily van der Woodsen decides to intervene.

She was the one who picked up the broken pieces of her daughter in the foyer after Nate carelessly ended their relationship, cradling Serena as if she were a newborn. Lily still can hear those anguished sobs if she sits down and tries to clear her mind. 

Serena won’t see anyone – not even Blair, who tried to convince her through the door that it was a big mistake, that she’d get her happy ending with Nate. What Blair got in response was the wailing of her best friend. Occasionally Erik creeps in at night, curling up against his sister under the thick sheets. Lily finds them that way on some mornings, dried tear tracks down Serena’s face and Erik’s arm draped around her protectively. 

The rumours are now becoming worse – Serena seduced Robert as well as Nate and Rose caught her, Lily was selling out her daughter, Erik was now on the prowl for rich women. They were becoming more and more absurd, but the Upper East Side believed it as the truth.

So Lily does the one thing she does best – revenge. 

: : :

Serena’s hiccupping and sniffling, eyes rimmed red when Lily enters the room. The curtains are drawn, and the room is almost completely dark. She won’t force those curtains open and make her daughter embrace sunlight, she’s not that kind of mother. She knows that Serena needs time.

She sits next to her daughter, stroking her blonde hair. They sit for a while in the darkness before Lily speaks. “Do you trust me, Serena?”

Serena looks up at her mother, eyes swollen. Her hand slowly creeps up to hold onto Lily’s. “You know I do,” she whispers, voice hoarse from crying. It’s like the time when she was seven and had chickenpox, the look of a child expecting her mother to make things right. And damn if Lily were to let her down.

“Move on,” she says softly, and Serena wheezes, tears forming already. Her hand tightens, as if pleading. “He’s out there, living his life. And you’re here crying as if Sparkly Tie died.”

Serena chokes out a laugh at that one. “Sparkly Tie did die,” she reminisces. The pony her grandmother had gotten her for her fifth birthday died when she was ten, and Sparkly Tie was probably the closest thing Serena had to a friend after Nate, Blair and Chuck.

The thought of her friends makes her sob. 

Lily continues to stroke Serena’s hair. “You know what they’re saying, do you?” 

Serena nods, biting her lip. The accusations flying around were hurtful, so hurtful she never wanted to leave her bed. They were worse than Gossip Girl, worse than the time Blair hated her. 

“I’m always laughed at,” she says faintly. “I’m the scorn of society.”

Lily’s heart hardens at the way Serena sounds so resigned. “You can change that. You can always change that.”

Serena makes an incredulous noise. “No, Mom, I don’t think so.”

: : :

It takes some persuading, but eventually Serena agrees to Lily’s idea. It’s probably the most reckless thing she’s ever done as a mother, but she’s sure it’s worth it.

She knows it’s worth it when Rose Archibald gets the news at the next charity gala. Her eyes widen comically, a hand to her chest. 

Everyone from the Upper East Side knows the Baizen family. Once the richest family in the Upper East Side, the Baizens moved to Europe in search of more fortune. Word has it that said fortune has tripled over the years. And now Carter Baizen, heir to his family’s empire, is returning to New York to marry the woman Nate Archibald rejected.

It’s such a slap to Rose Archibald’s face that she doesn’t attend parties for the following month. 

: : :

When Nate finds out that the love of his life is marrying another man, he sits in his room and starts burning all the letters that Serena wrote to him for the past three years. It’s funny when he thinks about it – he’s on a ship, for fuck’s sake, but somehow her letters always reach him, no matter what. As if someone out there is looking out for the both of them.

He tosses a burning letter at a random direction. It hits the chiffon curtain and the fabric catches fire.

“Nate!” Rose shouts from the doorway. “Oh my god, Nate! The curtain’s on fire!”

The curtain leads to his four-poster bed burning behind him, but Nate doesn’t think of anything except for how he’s going to lose all that he holds dear to him. The teddy bear Serena bought for him is now a chunk of burnt wool under his desk. He’s got a couple more letters to go, and his Zippo has never let him down. 

Rose’s shouts of horror are ignored as he watches the last letter Serena wrote to him light up. The words slowly get eaten up by orange flames; Serena’s neat, cursive handwriting disappearing like it never existed. 

 _I will always love you_ , he reads before the paper becomes ash, and he finally releases a sob.

: : :

“Snap the fuck out of it,” Chuck Bass growls as he yanks the bottle of scotch out of Nate’s hands. Nate glares at him, but the effect is very much like a disgruntled baby kitten. A completely smashed baby kitten. The room reeks of alcohol. Chuck doesn’t even want to know how many days Nate hasn’t bathed – his stubble has almost become a full-grown beard. 

He throws the bottle of scotch into the dustbin, ignoring Nate’s drunken protests. “Have you looked at yourself? You’re absolutely pathetic.”

Nate slumps, grinning wildly. “I know,” he looks up, blue eyes wide. “Trust me, I know.”

Chuck makes a sound of disgust. “You’re so drunk you think it’s funny.”

“Not really,” Nate says carelessly, scratching his armpit in a very primate-like manner before throwing his arms wide open. “Look at me, man. I just lost the love of my life, I burned down a part of my house that I hated the most, and I am planning to finish at least half of my dad’s liquor cabinet. So if you’ll excuse me…”

It’s a testament of how drunk Nate is when he can’t even stand straight. He tries thrice, Chuck watching with complete disinterest. “Could you pass me the vodka?” Nate tries.

“Fuck, Nate,” Chuck looks away, oddly hurt by how screwed up his best friend is. Even when Blair left him all those years ago, the pain in his chest wasn’t as much as it is now. It feels as if someone stabbed him and twisted the knife. “You aren’t even trying.”

Nate sobers at that, looking at Chuck thoughtfully. “You think I don’t try?” he asks casually. Too casually.

Chuck waves his hand around the room, exasperated. There are empty liquor bottles everywhere. He’s scared for Nate’s health. What is they say about too much alcohol? “What do you think?”

“Fuck,” Nate growls, shoving the table hard enough for it to topple down. The shot glasses smash on the floor, but Chuck doesn’t even blink. “You think I’m not fucking trying? Fuck, Chuck, I’ve called her, texted her, left her probably a hundred voice messages. She’s not replying! I’ve tried going to her house but you know what I get? The maid slamming the door in my face. That is how much I tried, all right? I went to her house, begged like a fucking homeless person looking for food, and I get the door slammed in my fucking face.” 

Nate’s face is red, livid with anger when he’s done. “There’s nothing I can fucking do to salvage this. I’ve tried. She doesn’t want me anymore.”

Saying the words seem to crack something in him, and Chuck watches, for the first time in twenty years, Nate Archibald break down sobbing and gasping for air. He curls into himself, biting his fist, shaking as he repeats the same words over and over again. 

“She doesn’t want me anymore.”

: : :

It’s at Tiffany’s where the showdown happened, two weeks after Nate’s room almost burnt down with its occupant. Some people will tell you that the store was crowded, everyone watching two women circling each other. Others would tell you that the only people in the place were the two of them. 

The truth, if you’d ask the ailing former workers of Tiffany’s, is that Rose was with her friends, while Lily was alone – as expected. 

“Rose,” Lily smiles, Tiffany bag in one hand. 

Rose startles, looking uncomfortable. “Lily,” she says unsurely. Her troops behind her immediately begin their intense comparison between a gold and silver band. 

“What are the odds of meeting you here! Just to let you know, my daughter is preparing to be the most admired woman in the Upper East Side. What is happening to Nathaniel, anyway? I hear he’s busy burning all those love letters Serena wrote to him and drinking himself stupid.”

Rose holds her stare, looking slightly awkward at the confrontation. She probably thinks that it’s something so unfeminine to do, but Lily wasn’t raised to be a doormat.

“You thought you were the best thing that has happened to this neighbourhood, didn’t you?” Lily asks quietly. “You thought my daughter was scum and was unworthy of your son.”

The troops behind Rose have suddenly become silent, looking at the two women from the corner of their eyes. The Tiffany’s workers aren’t so ridiculous – they’re blatantly staring at Lily and Rose, and Lily likes that kind of daring. 

She looks at her watch, gasping in mock surprise. “Oh, look at time! Excuse me, Rose, darling. I’ve got to go meet the wedding planner. She’s got all these amazing dresses for Serena to try. Carter was a darling about it, he knew how important the wedding is to Serena, so he got Harriette Rose Katz to clear her schedule to specially plan their wedding! I’ll let you know how her services are.”

That’s how Lily van der Woodsen left Tiffany’s satisfied with what she’d done, and how Rose Archibald was left gaping. 

If Lily knew the consequences of her actions, she wouldn’t have been so smug.


	4. Envy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve marked you. Marked you as mine.”

On Serena van der Woodsen’s wedding day, it is bright and sunny. She feels that the world is against her – in the movies, if the bride were upset, there would be a downpour to show her sadness. Serena looks out of the window to see two birds chirping. Fucking  _chirping_ , as if she’s Cinderella. She looks away, trying to block out the noise. It’s as if Lady Luck is laughing at her. 

For the past two weeks, her entire world was full of wedding gowns, invitation cards, place card holders, favours and wedding decorations. She’s truly grateful for Harriette, she really is – the wedding planner was the one she’d use anyway if… if this whole mess hadn’t happened. She can’t even think of Nate without her chest hurting – but the fact that she is going to marry a man she has never met makes her not care about the wedding at all.

Carter Baizen, the mysterious suitor of hers that agreed to marry her, only stepped on American soil yesterday night, and when Serena walks down the aisle alone later on, that will be the first time she will see her husband standing right in front of her. She’s seen the photographs, of course. Carter is a stunning man, with a mischievous glint in his eyes that Serena is stupidly fond of, but who knows how he’s like in real life.

“Serena,” Lily walks in with the bouquet in hand. “You’re not done yet?” 

Serena looks at her reflection in the mirror. She’s sure she looks beautiful in her custom made Monique Lhuillier gown, her hair in a half updo and blonde waves falling past her shoulders. The hairstylist had done a great job, and Serena had thanked her for that. Blair spent half an hour earlier on carefully applying the makeup, letting her choose the colours she wanted. It was as if they were kids again, putting makeup on each other. Serena remembers that promise, that they’d do each other’s faces for their weddings. It seems that Blair remembers, too. 

The thought of her friend makes her ache a little. “I’m done, Mom. Just need to get the veil on.”

She sees her mother smile behind her. “You don’t have to worry, Serena. Carter will take care of you.” The added  _not like Nathaniel_  isn’t said, but it’s implied.

“I know, Mom,” She forces a smile, fiddling with the ten carat Harry Winston bracelet on her wrist. “Thank you.”

Sometimes Serena wonders what her mother did to get Carter Baizen to marry her. What she had to give to receive this in return. 

Lily looks a little sad for a moment, before she carefully puts the bouquet aside. “Let’s get that veil on, sweetheart, and we’re good to go.”

Serena nods earnestly. For the first time in weeks, she’s feeling true emotion. There’s nervousness, definitely, and perhaps a spark of hope. Maybe she could love Carter as much as she loves –  _loved_  – Nate. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Lily whispers as she strokes Serena’s hair. “He made the worst mistake.”

Serena swallows and her back straightens a little. “I know, Mom,” she whispers back, ignoring the tears forming in her eyes. “I know.”

: : :

He’s got to see her. Convince her that this marriage thing is not going to work, that they can run away – Nate’s got an offshore account, they can survive on that while he’s looking for work. He’ll beg for her forgiveness, and she’ll accept him back. Serena always does. Her kindness is one of the many things that attract him. 

Nate enters the van der Woodsen house without getting caught – there’s lots of hustle and bustle, courtesy of the caterer going batshit crazy and shouting in French. He rushes up the stairs, almost stumbling in his haste, and runs into Serena’s room.

Blair and Serena are looking at him; smiles slowly fading. They were probably sharing a joke, and how he’s missed the times they can all hang out together. 

Nate is already breathless from the run upstairs, but he almost stops breathing when he sees Serena. She’s gorgeous in her wedding gown, and the light from her window gives her a glow that makes her ethereal. Blue eyes blink at him, before closing shut and looking away. 

“Serena-”

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Blair’s shrill demand pierces his ears. “Haven’t you done enough damage?”

Nate looks helplessly at Serena, who’s still turned away. He can see her face from the mirror’s reflection, though. She’s hurt, and he caused that. It makes him hate himself even more. 

Blair’s in his face now, like a mother tiger. “I asked you a question, Nate,” she says coldly. “What are you doing here?”

Nate takes a deep breath. “I wanted to see Serena. One more time.”

“That’s not possible.”

“Blair,” he says, exasperated. They’re running out of time, he’s got no patience to deal with her. “Please, just this once. If she doesn’t want to see me again after this, I… I won’t.”

His voice cracks at the end of his sentence, and maybe that’s what makes Blair soften a little. She searches his face for something; Nate hasn’t got a fucking idea, before she turns to look at her best friend. “Serena?”

There’s a long silence, and Nate is about to cry when the response comes. “He can come in.”

Blair sighs and turns to Nate, face hard again. “Do anything stupid, and I swear I will kill you with my bare hands, Archibald.”

Nate nods. “Yeah, yeah I got it.”

“You got five minutes,” Blair mutters as she moves out of Nate’s way and walks out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Now that Nate actually has Serena within talking distance, he doesn’t really know what to do. Should he go up and hug her? Or should be speak from here? Fuck, no one ever prepared him for this kind of shit.

“Here to laugh at me?”

He’s never heard her voice so cold and indifferent before. It makes his heart stop. “What?”

Serena turns, looking as beautiful as she always does, but somehow also a shadow of what she usually is. “You can’t possibly be here to take me away, are you, Nate? So you must be here to laugh at me. Go on. Do it.”

Nate strides to her, angry and shocked and absolutely confused. He kneels in front of her, as if he’s going to propose. He might, considering the odds. “What are you talking about? Serena, I’m here to help you stop this.”

“Help me?” Serena sounds skeptical. “Who said I needed your help?”

Nate quirks his head, fearful. “Serena?”

Serena looks out of the window before standing up. “I heard about what you did after the announcement that I was going to get married. You burnt all the letters until you almost burned down your room. And then you drank your dad’s entire liquor stash.”

Nate isn’t proud of those moments. He was in a dark place. “I made a mistake, I know, and I’m sorry-”

“I’m not,” Serena looks at him, smiling softly. “Nate, you are going to be lonely and miserable for the rest of your life, and I am going to be the most powerful woman on the Upper East Side. I am going to have everything I want – even the things you can’t give me.”

Each word that comes out of Serena’s mouth is like a stab to Nate’s heart. “You don’t mean that,” he pleads. “You don’t.”

She looks at him pitifully. “I do, Nate. I feel sad for you, because who’s going to make you happy after me?” Her voice hardens. “I have  _ruined_  you for anyone else.”

“That money of Baizen’s,” he says, desperate. “It might not last forever.”

Serena makes a noise. “Look at me, Nate. Fuck, look at me. I’m beautiful, I’m smart, and I have my own money aside from Carter’s. If he ends up bankrupt, we just need to get a divorce and I can find another one. There are always other ones.”

Nate looks away at that, eyes wet. No, Serena’s saying this just to spite him. It’s just to make him mad and make him hate her more. He’s got to get through her stubbornness.

“So vain, S,” he whispers, walking to the vanity and picking up a pearl necklace. The beads look so simple and innocent in his hand. “So vain.”

She’s so close now, close enough to kiss and ravish and to rip that stupid veil off, she’s never wanted a veil anyway. Serena looks up at him, leaning in close enough that he can feel her breath on his face.

“Think about it, Nate,” she says gently, but the words sting. “Think about how he’ll take off this dress tonight, and how he’ll push me on the bed and fuck me. Make me his.”

Nate can’t be blamed for what he does. The thought of Serena gasping and writhing under another man makes him see red, so furious that he can’t even think straight. He grabs her hands, yanking her closer and ignoring her yelp. “No,” he growls, moving towards her as she struggles to get away. 

“Nate -Nate, you’re hurting me-”

“You’re mine, Serena,” his grip turns stronger, as if he can make her stay if he holds tight enough. “You’ve always been mine. And the thought of someone else touching you, fuck, just looking at you, makes me want to  _kill_  something.”

The pearl necklace breaks in his hold, the individual pearls scattering on the floor. Serena’s cry of pain flips a switch in Nate’s brain and he lets go of her suddenly, dropping whatever remains of the necklace.

The necklace cut her. She’s bleeding.

Fuck.

Nate watches blood trickle from the fourth finger, and how Serena hastily grabs a tissue, adding pressure to stop the flow.

“What did you do?” She whispers, staring at him as if he were an animal.

Nate walks up to her, smoothening back stray hairs that came out of the neat hairdo when she tried to escape him. This time, she leans into his touch. “I’ve marked you. Marked you as mine.”

Tears form in big blue eyes and he shakes his head, whispering soothingly as he slowly wipes away those that fall. 

“You know you can stop this.”

Serena looks at him helplessly. “I can’t. I won’t embarrass my mother. I won’t.”

Nate understands. Family broke them apart, anyway. It was unlikely that family were to bring them together again.

He cups her face in her hands and kisses her, soft and sweet, like how he always did at the Met steps years ago, in a different life when they were still young and free. Still alive. “I love you,” he breathes, before kissing her again. “Don’t you ever forget it. I love you.”

She nods. “I love you.”

There’s a knock on the door, and Blair enters. She looks at the both of them, and then she just looks plain sad. “It’s time, S. You’ve got to go.”

: : :

When Serena walks down the aisle, her beauty awes everyone. She looks straight ahead, trying to keep the tears at bay, trying to see her future husband through her veil. What’s his expression like now? Happiness? Sadness? A blank face?

When she reaches the altar, Carter Baizen lifts her veil and pushes it back. She looks up at him, and he smiles.   
It’s nice enough. She hopes her smile was as convincing. 

Serena goes through the motions, barely even listening to the priest, completely lost in her own world. They didn’t have long, expressive vows because they didn’t know each other. She just parroted whatever was required of her. 

When the ring slips on, the huge diamond hides Nate’s scar.

She expected no response when the priest asked if there was anyone who was against their ‘holy matrimony’ – and wasn’t that a laugh – but a small part of her wished that someone had. 

Lily’s crying at the front row; so happy for her daughter. Blair’s looking as if Cat got into a car accident but she’s pretending everything’s okay, and Chuck doesn’t even bother to mask his disapproval. 

As Carter leads her down the aisle, Serena wonders just what has she gotten herself into. 

: : :

Nate didn’t bother to attend the ceremony – god know what he would have done if he had – but he’s at the reception now just because he feels like punishing himself.

Upper East Siders look at him oddly as he walks by. After all, it’s a well-known fact that the Archibalds weren’t invited to this party.

He bumps into Lily once, and she looks at him, eyes calculating, before taking his hand. “I’m sorry,” she says honestly, and Nate accepts her apology.

He’s always been closer to Lily than his own mother. While they both aren’t the best of parents, Lily still seems invested in the happiness of her children. Nate has no idea why Rose Archibald even bothered to have kids. Oh yes, the family line. Explains why he’s the only child. There was no need for another after him.

Chuck goes up to him the moment he spots him. “You sure you’re sober enough to be here?”

Nate shrugs. “I’ve made my peace.”

Chuck looks completely unconvinced.

“Okay, as much peace as I can make.”

He feels the vodka in his hand getting yanked away, replaced with something else. Something unrecognizable.

“Shandy,” Chuck drawls. “So that you won’t get batshit drunk and shame yourself. Again.”

Well, fuck. 

When Serena dances with Carter, the first dance, Nate stands in a corner, following her every move, trying not to break the glass in his hand. She’s smiling, fuck, as if she’ enjoying this. Enjoying getting married to a man she doesn’t know. Enjoying making him suffer. 

Carter twirls her and pulls her in by the waist to kiss her. Serena kisses back, fingers tight around his shoulders, and Nate decides to leave before he wrecks the whole place. 

: : :

When the doors to the suite close, it’s like a judge bringing down the gavel, the closing of one life and the beginning of another. Serena sits on the bed in her wedding gown, flushed by the dancing and wine. 

She saw Nate, but she didn’t go to him, fear that she’d end up running away, or Carter finding out whom he is. Nate and Carter, if possible, should never meet. Serena never wants to find out what the outcome will be. 

Carter yanks off the bowtie. “Thank god we’re done with that.”

Serena nods, unsurely. “It was a little over the top,” she offers.

“Try a lot,” Carter snorts. “Harriette outdid herself with this one. Did you see that weird three foot ice sculpture? What was it, Medusa being attacked by the snakes on her head?”

Serena smiles. “I think it was supposed to be swans. Lots of swans. Then it melted, because you know, _ice._ ”

Carter shrugs out of his blazer, unbuttoning his dress shirt. “I didn’t know what to expect from you,” he admits. “I expected some girl who would hate me because she’s stuck in an arranged marriage, or some bimbo who didn’t know left from right.” 

He looks up after he says that. “No offence.”

“None taken,” Serena says dryly. “I didn’t know who you were, too.”

Carter sits next to her, shirtless. “What did you think of me?” he asks softly, kissing her bare shoulder. “Some playboy who didn’t have the time to find a proper woman to settle down with?”

Serena never thought of that, she just thought that Carter was weird for agreeing to marry someone he’s never met. “I thought you were probably disabled, in some way,” she lies. “I was prepared to wheel you around. Or have spare crutches all over the house.”

He snorts at that, burying his face at the crook of her neck. “You’ve got a very active imagination,” he says, kissing his way up her jaw.

Serena shivers, unsure if she should push him away or let him continue. They’re finally having a proper conversation – they kept on getting separated during the reception, and the first dance was not the most appropriate time to discuss such matters. “I’ll take that as a compliment,” she murmurs.

“It is, baby,” he says, and oh god, it sounds so wrong in his voice, the voice that isn’t Nate’s. Serena feels his hand at her lower back going higher and the sound of a zipper being pulled breaks the silence. “Mm, it is.”

“Carter,” Serena squirms. She’s not ready for this. She’s not ready for a random man that she barely knows to be inside her, being intimate with her. “Carter-”

“Shh,” he soothes as the zipper goes all the way down. “So beautiful,” he praises. “Never thought I could have something like this.”

He gets her out of her wedding gown, the expensive silk and chiffon now a pile of nothing on the hotel room floor. Serena’s never felt so exposed, not even when Nate was in her own backyard fucking her. 

Carter crawls up to her, like a lion waiting for the right moment to pounce. “It’s okay,” he says, hands slipping under her panties, pulling them down. Serena makes a sound of distress, and he kisses her. “You don’t have to be scared. I’ll take care of you.”

Oh god, Carter thinks she’s a virgin.

Serena’s terrified. She has no idea what to do. Was this what her mother told him? That her pretty virginal daughter was looking for a husband?

Maybe her terror makes the idea more legitimate, because Carter pushes himself up on his elbows, looking concerned. “God, you’re almost hyperventilating. I don’t know if you’re that scared or if you want it that much.”

Serena blink. “Carter,” she says. That’s the only thing she can say now, because if she tries to say something else the truth might come out.

He takes the name that comes out of her mouth as eagerness, and kisses her hard and fast, one hand slipping down to rub her clit. Serena gasps into the kiss, torn between feeling good because you know, sex, and feeling horrible because this isn’t Nate.

“Oh god,” she clutches his arms as a finger slides into her. 

Carter’s whispering words of encouragement to her, and it really feels like her first time. “See, you can take it, can’t you, baby? So good for me. It’s just a little pressure, sweetheart, just a little pressure. It’ll go away, I promise.”

By the time he has three fingers in her, pushing in and out, she’s a writhing mess, raking her fingernails down his back, trying to push back whenever his fingers leave, whining for more.

“That’s it,” he growls, twisting his fingers and she arches, yelling his name again. “Wanna hear you, baby. Make all those pretty noises for me. Tell me how much you want this.”

Serena pants, looking into his blue eyes. They’re bright and loving and she almost says  _Nate_. “More,” she pleads. She needs to forget. “More, please.”

She comes with three of his fingers inside her, then again when he eats her out. By the time he’s pushing into her, she’s boneless.

He stops when he’s fully in her, eyeing her carefully. “Doesn’t hurt, right?”

Serena almost cries at how stupidly wonderful her husband is. “No,” she shakes her head. “It’s… it’s perfect.”

She wraps her legs around him as he pounds into her, lets him mark her shoulders with tiny bites and soothing licks. Anything to keep him away from her face, because he’d get the wrong idea when he sees the tears.

“Mine,” he whispers as he comes. They didn’t use a condom, and Serena can feel it inside her. “All mine. No one can have you.”

She holds back her sob.

: : :

It’s the third event of the year he’s attended and Serena’s there, hanging on the arm of Carter Baizen like a trophy wife, complete with the huge diamond perched on her finger. 

She’s beautiful, she’s always been, and Carter treats her with a reverence that makes Nate grudgingly like the man. But it makes Nate’s blood still boil when he kisses her, holds her waist and makes her laugh. 

He’s caught Serena’s eye several times during the parties, and she always smiles at him, the real bright smile that only Serena has. 

When Carter goes to greet a business partner, and Serena goes to the food table, Nate realizes this is his chance. 

“I miss you,” he says, longing to touch her. “I miss you so much.”

Serena looks at him, face perfectly made. “I miss you too,” she bites her lip. “I always do.”

“Does he fuck you?” he suddenly asks, jealously rearing its ugly head. “Does he fuck you like I do?”

Serena looks uncomfortable, glancing around. “Nate, please.”

Nate snorts. “Since when did you start wondering about how other people opinions, Serena?” 

“Since I got married,” she hisses. “It’s not just my reputation at stake, Nate. It’s mine, my family’s, Carter’s… there’s too many people that can get hurt.”

Nate looks away, pretending to pick a cheesecake slice. “And what about me? I don’t matter anymore?”

Serena looks at him, face blank. “You’re the only thing that matters, Nate,” she says, as if disappointed in him, before walking away with her plate.

: : :

When Carter and Serena leave, everyone says goodbye. Serena is no longer the scorned scarlet woman of society. She’s a respectable female that people look up to. Nate hovers at the doorway, and hears Carter whisper, “When we get home, I’m gonna fuck you right into the mattress. Fuck, you don’t know what you do to me, do you, baby? So beautiful, sweetheart.”

He doesn’t wait for Serena’s answer, fleeing like the coward that he is.

: : :

Seven miles away from the Upper East Side, Nate sinks into a blonde hooker in a motel room. He fucks her as if he’s trying to get her to choke on his dick. He thinks about how Carter might be pushing into the only person he loves, and he grabs her hips, furious. He slams into her, hard enough that the bed creaks and she moves forward.

When he comes, he buries his face in her hair, moaning  _Serena_.

When they’re done, she gets off the bed; his come trickling down her thighs. Nate paid an extra seventy-five for that, because he didn’t want to feel rubber, he wanted to feel the inside of a cunt. “Thanks for the fuck,” she says, grabbing the money on the nightstand before sliding on her miniskirt. 

Nate looks at her, and then looks at her legs. “You not gonna clean up for your next customer?”

She shrugs. “Some guys like fucking into another guy’s jizz. Not my kink, but if it gets the money going, why not.”

Nate makes a face. “Well you take care of yourself, “ he offers lamely.

She smirks, raccoon eyes trained at him. “You too.”

That’s the first time Nate meets Jenny Humphrey.


End file.
